Height: Why is one foot twelve inches? Twelve? TWELVE? Twelve. What. The fuck. Twelve. I mean, come on. Seriously. Twelve. At what point did someone think that makes sense? Did someone just bear a grudge against mankind? ''Hello. I'm a cunt. Now, what I thought I'd do is to cripple my fellow citizens somehow. God I hate them. How about dreaming up an obscure length unit. That'll rustle their jimmies.'' He sure got you, the criminal mastermind. It boggles the mind how people submitted their anuses for penetration just like that. Dude must've been one smooth-talking epididymis. ''Hey gang, I was just over there, thinking about my chlamydia-ridden toe pits, when it occurred to me how nice it would be if you'd do the same when judging distances. Now, stick with me on this one. Alright, so check this, I was thinking we'd begin using a new length unit, called a foot. It is based on my foot - its length equals the length of my foot, see. Cut it down in twelve parts and that's an 'inch'. Twelve, because that's the amount of sexually transmitted diseases my foot contains. You can see how this is good, so far. Right? Right. So, add up three feet and that's a 'yard', and, uh, one thousand seven hundred and sixty yards will equal one 'mile'. That's 5280 feet. Visualize it, if it helps. Thousands of AIDS-oozing feet. Oh, also, divide a mile into eight parts, and you've got yourself a... 'furlong' *milk sprays out of nose* Why? Just for kicks. Riding on the wild side, convert that, bitches.'' And you went with it. I'm disappointed in you. You've been bamboozled. Get with the times, get metric. Embrace it, love it, finger it, with your every cubic centimeter that you can convert simply by moving the dot. Pfft, twelve.
Weight: About 115 psilocybes. One psilocybe equals the approximate weight of ten flaccid penises.
Body Type: Slim, Toned
Ethnic Origin: White / Caucasian
Hair: I hope you're not furiously googling the weight of a penis.
Eyes: Blue
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